Things the Turks are not allowed to do
by Witchweather
Summary: Things the Turks are no longer allowed to do as listed by Shinra inc
1. Chapter 1

35 Things the Turks are Not Allowed to Do.

_This is based off of_ **62 Things the Avengers are Not Allowed to Do.**

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><p>1. Reno is not allowed to be naked at Headquarters. Ever Again.<p>

2. Synchronized panicking is not part of a proper battle plan.

3. Veld should never again be addressed as "Dad"

4. Or "Mom"

5. And no Vincent is not 'Mom' either. or 'Dad' or 'That crazy uncle I always wanted'

6. The proper way to report to a superior is 'yes sir' not 'You can't prove at thing.

7. 'Operation Irritate the Hell Out of Tseng' is not an official mission, no matter what Reno or Two Guns say.

8. Debriefings should not be preceded by tequila shots.

9. Debriefings should not be followed by tequila shots.

10. There are to be no shots of any kind during debriefings.(Including gun shots.)

11. Coffee is not optional

12. Turks are not allowed to sing their own personal spy music while wandering the Hallways.

13. or the spy music of anyone else.

14. Pants are not optional at team meetings. nor can they be replaced by skirts or dresses.

15. Shot Gun and Knife are not allowed to impersonate members of the clergy ever again. Ever.

16. They also can no longer impersonate members of a demon summoning cult. Ever

17. Rude is no longer allowed to take anything from the labs. For any reason.

18. 'Kill everything!' is not an effective diplomatic policy.

19. Neither are explosives.

20. The phrase 'Trust me, I'm a doctor' never leads anywhere good.

21. If it makes Reno giggle for more than 30 seconds, it isn't allowed.

22. If it makes Legend crack a smile, it's probably illegal.

23. Mission reports to the Director should not start out 'So let me explain…'

24. The Cats are not new recruits.(neither is the duck)

25. Veld KNOWS

26. Saying 'I didn't do it' gets you investigated.

27. The words "What's the worst that could happen?" are never to be uttered on a mission ever again.

28. Velds glare is not in fact fatal. Rod is not allowed to continue implying that it is.

29. Reno is not allowed to convince Reeve to help him make death ray goggles so that it will be.

30. Turks are not on Survivor and therefore are not allowed to vote people off of the floor.

31. Zack is not really a puppy. nor does he belong in the pound.

32. Rufus proper title is 'Vice president' not 'My liege'

33. Baby harnesses do not go on other turks.

34. Duct tape does not go on other turks

35. The things that happened at last years yule party are never to be mentioned again.


	2. Chapter 2

Things the Turks are Not Allowed to Do. Part Two 36 - 62

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><p>36. Their is no causal Friday. (or any other day of the week)<p>

don't take it upon yourself to create a chart of your fellow turks sexual orientations.

38. Taking bets as to how long a turk will stay with a current Boyfriend/Girlfriend is prohibited after that last incident.

38. Veld will not let you call him papa/daddy/dad/mommy/Sugar daddy/mother/father/uncle/brother/ho/Gramps/old man, No. Not even if your drunk. I don't see why this has to be a rule. _see rules 3 and 4_

39. You should not stalk fellow turks.

40. The cats ate my paperwork is not an excuse. You still have to turn it in anyway. (Rule also applies for the duck and any other animal.)

41. Stuffed animals should not be used to hold weapons.

42. You are not allowed to show up naked to work. _see rule 1_

43. If you want to drink alcohol on the job hide it properly.

44. Please don't flirt with the enemy. (see shinras list of enemys for more detail.)

45. Don't steal from the labs unless ordered to.

46. Your fellow Turks do not wish to be set up on blind dates without their permission.

47. Try not to kill the janitors.(It's a pain to keep replacing them)

48. Don't show up to work wearing another departments uniform.

49. Just Because your commanding officer did it does not mean you can.

50. Every Turk should be well versed in rules _49, 21, 20_ and_ 11_

51. Katana does not eat people. Reno should stop scaring the recruits by implying he does.

52. Kilts are not allowed to be worn in place of pants _see rule 14_

53. The supply closets will not eat you. no matter what Reno and Rude claim to the contrary.

54. Nunchuck is not an alien. (Please stop trying to send him to space)

55. Tseng is not allowed to go undercover at any kind of strip club.(took hours to get him out last time)

56. Please don't sell photos of the people you've been hired to protect (yes this includes nudes)

cake is not a lie

58. Don't sext at work

59. Don't have sex at the work place.

60. Turks can't vote people out the window. _see rule 30_

61. You should not use turk equipment to spy on your significant other.

62. Explosives do not in fact solve everything


	3. Chapter 3

Things the Turks are Not Allowed to Do. Part three 63-88

_This is based off of_ **The Enterprise List (or 235 Things the Crew of the Enterprise is No Longer Allowed to Do According to Starfleet)**

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><p>63. Turks will not wear a dress while at work in protest of the uniform length and impracticality for female employees.<p>

64. Even if the secretaries appreciated the gesture.

65. Do not slip away from security detail.

66. Velds rank is 'Director', not 'Supreme Overlord.'

67. He does not sign paper work under that title

68 Turks are not allergic to paperwork.

69. Turks will not add "In accordance to the teachings of Veld," to end their sentences.

70. "I am a Turk," is not a viable excuse for most things.

71. Bourbon is not a medical expense.

72. Neither is Vodka

73. Nor any kind of alcohol aside from rubbing alcohol.

74. Punching superior officers to 'test for reflexes' is not acceptable.

75. The Person who is in charge of ordering coffee and supplies is no ones "Sugar Daddy"

76. Turks are not allowed to tell employee's where good well vented hiding spots to smoke pot are located.

77. Management is not involved in a conspiracy with the Aliens, Masons, Wutie ,the illuminati, The muffin man or McChocobo? against The Turks

78. There is in fact, a spoon.

79. Not allowed to use sick time to "Journey to Mordor to destroy the one ring"  
>80. Not allowed to use sick time to take a shortcut and throw it in Mt. Nibelheim<p>

81. "Oops!" is never the appropriate response when asked to report.

82. Turks should not make a company wide announcement saying that it is 'Hug A Turk Day.'

83. Turks should not make a company wide announcement saying that it is 'Hug A SOLDIER Day.'

84. Only Veld may make company wide announcements. Unless their is a life or death emergency.

85. Losing your cat is not a life or death emergency

86. Discussions of "swords" and "fencing" are inappropriate at work.

87. Killing some one because they annoy you is generally considered wrong.

88. Turks are to refer to more experienced officers as "Sir," if they are your superiors, or their rank if they are your inferiors. Not "Grandpa."


	4. Chapter 4

Things the Turks are Not Allowed to Do. Part four 89 - 111

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><p>89. Turk may not fire Turks out of cannon without appropriate supervision<p>

90. Turks may not fire Turkeys, Chickens, Hams, SOLDIERs or members of the board out of a cannon without written consent and proper supervision.

**91. Written consent must be gotten without Any forceful or illegal means.**

92. Veld is no longer proper supervision.

93. Coffee is not a weapon of mass scalding.

94. Coffee is not a lube.

95. Coffee is a drink. It is only a drink. It does not belong in soap, bombs, chicken, Hair, balloons, water-guns or in some forms of candy.

96. Polishing your EMR in the break room is allowed. Polishing your _'EMR' _in the break room is not.

97. Veld wants no part of your daddy issues.

98. Please stop demanding Veld find the Turks a _'mommy Turk.' _(He doesn't take it well)

99. Telling Veld that The '_Turk Mommy' _Doesn't have to be female will not stop him from killing you.

100. The company is not responsible for any damages done by Veld outside of a mission

101. Coffee is not the Turks God.

102. Please Stop trying to convert Tseng to the Coffee god

103. Don't try and convert SOLDIERs to the Coffee god.

104. Veld is not the head priest of the Coffee God's church

105. You may not dance naked around the coffee maker. _See rules 1 and 42_

106. Don't convince the SOLDIERs to come up with their own god.

107. Turks may not declare war.

108. Don't super glue your fellow Turks to the ceiling.

109. The Turks may not get a pet Tonberry.

110. Not even if veld thinks it's ok. _see rule 92 _

111. The Tonberry is not the Turks mascot. _(Please get rid of it) _


End file.
